We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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