what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
