my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
