I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
