That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We don't watch enough power rangers
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
