Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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