Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
