I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
