I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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