who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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