put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize