How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
