Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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