dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
