We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
