Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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