so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
