just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
