the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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