apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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