we're blogging at a bar
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
