My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
