Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
