She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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