One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
