i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I smell stomach acid.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
