Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
