i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
