i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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