I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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