i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
