I will die if light touches me.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
