This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
