I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
