I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is wine microwaveable?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize
