Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
