She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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