There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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