there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
