never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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