I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
