I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
