At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
