watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
