You're completely useless in the revolution.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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