I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
