You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize