dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
