I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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