Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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