i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it hurts more in the daytime
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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