If that was your dad, he is hot
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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