she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
