I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
