Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I look better un-naked...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
