tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
