I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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