Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
vagina is talking i cant
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
