Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
