2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Duck Duck Cougar?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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