I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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