Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
