You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
