If that was your dad, he is hot
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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