im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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