i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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