My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
