4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We won't sleep together?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
