remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
