it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
