ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also, beer. Big fan.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
